I’ve always found personal posts the hardest to write. It’s not because I am creating content that can’t be destroyed (well, yes, this is difficult in a way), subjected to perhaps a million gazes or maybe only one, but because of the naked truth that comes with it.
Looking into the mirror is difficult. Facing both the ugly and the beautiful (if any) is painful.
The years had been stagnant for me.
After my graduation, I threw myself into work. I have sacrificed my time and health, friendships and kinships, and even my sense of self. And I achieved nothing.
I was left with a mind severely burnt out and an ailing health.
I took a long break, around 16 months of (fun) unemployment, in search of stability, peace, and creativity. And again, I found nothing.
To say the years have been tough is one, but my decisions have played a part too. I don’t make good decisions, and I didn’t make my bad decisions right too.
It was on my birthday this year that I realised I have been looking the wrong way around. I should prioritise myself, work on my forgotten dreams, and to live in the present.
I have been tethered to memories, to people long gone, to events that had gotten so blurry I don’t even know if I have remembered the details right. The person who had once put a knife in my heart has probably forgotten all about me — and yet all these regrets weighted me down. I was the one weighing myself down, fettering my ankles as I took a swim — and I am still learning to remove these chains, one by one.
So this year, I am going to make it the best year yet. The people who loved me, I thank you, and I thank you again for staying. And this year, I will work towards myself, however small the steps I take.
And this blog marks the first of more.
Welcome to Bloomin’ Sofia.
It can be read as bloom in Sofia (me!) or blooming Sofia. And this is — perhaps a very silly thing for an adult to say — a gift to myself. This time, I am going to choose myself.
Though the road not taken whispers promises of adventure, an illusion of paradise, the one ahead is always the wiser choice. The best is yet to be.
